Monday, May 2, 2011

Letting the Lord in my Birth

It is very hard for me to openly speak my testimony. I know that God has given this to me to share... but I have not figured out a way to explain it without coming off as, "I told you so!" or, "This is the right way!" I haven't figured out how not to sound like that because everything inside of me wants to shout, "There IS a better way to birth than what you're doing!" Everything inside of me wants to explain the difference I have seen between trusting the world with my labor and birth and trusting the Lord instead.

My first birth story is one I am still slowly figuring out. Many things happened to me and my baby in that hospital and now that I am a doula, I am finally finding the tools to explain to myself why my son almost died and why I was never able to initially bond with him as his mother. When I was first starting on my doula journey last summer, I met with other doulas to get to know them and ask questions and when I would tell them this birth story, it would not make sense to them. The lies I was told by my health care team about what happened did not make sense to women who see birth sometimes daily. It hit me like a silver bullet. I started researching and am slowly piecing together the truth. It has been very healing and I am so thankful. God has given me this doula journey not only to bless others with, but through it, He is blessing me with wisdom as I grow closer to Him. I am so grateful.

The truth is, God was nowhere in that birth story. I believe very much that it is a testimony I can now use to understand why His presence in birth is so important for women. I did not call to Him during my pain. I did not ask Him for strength. I was incredibly lonely and I did not ask Him for comfort. I did not consult Him in decision making and every decision I made was for the worst. I trusted the doctors to have my health in interest and they did not. I trusted them to take care of my son and me and they did not. I trusted my family to meet my needs and they were unable. If I had trusted the Lord for it all, what would things have been like?

My second birth was much different. By this time I had be born again and I was at peace with my coming labor. I trusted the Lord to take care of me and I had even witnessed His might in my sister's birth experience. (Which ultimately was the reason behind my decision to become a doula!) Her testimony filled me with trust for God.

This time I asked Him for help. I prayed as much I as remembered to. I was convicted to get through my labor without relying on medical pain relief and I successfully did. There were instances in my labor where I was scared of the hospital staff but Jesus was quick to act through my husband for support. My second birth was beautiful, powerful, and I loved every minute of it! I loved pushing my baby out... I loved how in control I was of my body. It felt good to get right out of bed after my placenta was delivered to eat a piece of pizza while I held my new gift and nursed him. We were healthy and needed nothing but each other after the birth. I worshiped the Lord after my birth in joy and thanksgiving, and fully give Him all the glory for that day!

The difference here is the presence of the Lord. Hands down.

"The LORD is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayers of the righteous." Proverbs 15:29

But how do I explain this in a way that teaches and comforts others.... I am still figuring that out. I never want to be a "Bible thumper" but everything in me says the smartest, most beneficial, and healthiest way to bring a baby into this world is to know where your life growing gifts have come from and trusting in the One who will bless you if you only would ask.

"When you call, the Lord will answer. 'Yes I am here.' He will quickly rely." Isaiah 58:9

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